Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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