the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
