I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
