i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
