If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
