I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
