She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
