Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
