she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
