You're so nebulous sometimes
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
