the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
