Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
