We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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