i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
