Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
