He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
