separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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