After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
