You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
