alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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