Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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