a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
