Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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