i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
