even my farts smell like vagina
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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