Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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