So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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