I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
