I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Randomize
