Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
