I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
