On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
