just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I need to calm my uterus...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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