I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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