I'm gonna have a badass scar
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
