College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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