i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We have so much sex to catch up on
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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