what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
