She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
