She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
