My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
