apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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