Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
