I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
