My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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