im drinking this country out of the recession.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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