Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
