he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Fuck appropriateness.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
