Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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