My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
