I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
