my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
