Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
