I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
