As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
