VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
