How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
