Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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