when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
